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You have permission to publish this article in its entirety as long as the
bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.
Please inform writer of your use.
mailto:joyce@emersonpublications.com
You have permission to publish this article in its entirety as
long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be
appreciated. Please inform writer of your use.
mailto:joyce@emersonpublications.com
Remain Bitter or Become Better?
by: Joyce Moseley Pierce
When I was growing up, there were usually two parents in the home. The mother
was able to be home with her children while Dad went out to make a living. We
watched Ozzie & Harriet, and Leave it to Beaver, and thought that all moms
vacuumed in high heels and pearls, and all dads worked and came home to spend
the evening with their families.
But the reality of it all is that life was seldom like we saw it through that
television screen.
In high school I had a social studies teacher named Mrs. Stevens. She made a
statement one day that I've remembered for forty years. She posed this question.
"What do you think is the cause of most of the unhappiness of children in the
home today"? Students raised their hands and suggested that it might be strict
parents, too much homework, or siblings! All of those things surely caused
problems, but she believed that television shows like Ozzie & Harriet, or Leave
it to Beaver were the cause. How could that be? Didn't they portray the perfect
American family? Exactly! The cause for unhappiness in children was believing
that ALL American families were like that. So what if theirs wasn't like that
television family? Then there must be something wrong with them.
Let's take a look at the childhood of Wally and Beaver Cleaver. Their mother,
June, was always there to send them off to school, and she was there when they
came home. Their friends were welcome in their home and actually enjoyed being
there. June fixed lunches, cleaned house, and prepared dinner. When Ward got
home, they all sat down together to eat, and they talked about their day. June
and Ward were respectful of one another and were united in their parenting. When
Wally or Beaver got into trouble with some childhood prank, Ward would talk to
them, help them understand why what they did was wrong, and then give them a hug
or a manly pat on the back to let them know everything was okay between them.
Even though Beaver was younger than Wally and often got in his way, Wally was
always there to be the big brother and protect The Beav. It's no wonder they
were happy. Life was good and no one ever felt unloved.
When I was growing up in the 60s, life was nothing like this tv family I adored.
I had a mother in my home, but it wasn't my own mother. It was my dad's second
wife. She might be asleep when I left for school, but she was always there to
open the door when I got home. My father traveled all week so I only saw him on
the weekend, and then, he hid out in his study. We did have dinner together and
there was conversation but it didn't include my sister or me. Instead of
inviting other kids to our home, I always went to theirs. My step mother wasn't
any friendlier to my friends than she was to me, and if she was drinking, it
could get ugly. When I got into trouble, which seemed often, instead of trying
to reason with me, she screamed and was so threatening that I just wanted to get
away from her. I found comfort being in my room alone and enjoyed reading novels
that told the stories of other young girls. When things got to be just
impossible for all of us, I left home at the start of my senior year. I was only
16 years old, and when I left, no one really seemed to care. We decided it was
probably best for all of us.
I always thought I had the most horrible childhood, but looking back, it could
have been a lot worse. I might have felt emotionally abused, but I was never
physically or sexually abused. As much as my father was absent from my life, he
provided a nice home and we never went to bed hungry. As difficult as it was to
live with my step mother, she was a very good housekeeper, she kept my clothes
clean, and actually learned to be a good cook. Things definitely could have been
worse, and as I have matured, I have learned to focus more on the things I'm
grateful for than the things that caused such pain.
My kids tell me I'm pretty "normal" or perhaps "well adjusted," all things
considered. Unfortunately, as unhappy as children are with their environment,
they will often grow up to be just like their parents. I made a conscious
decision when I left home at sixteen that I would NOT raise my children in that
same environment. I may not be the perfect mother, but I've been there to listen
to my kids and help them make the right decisions. I worked outside the home
most of their lives, but it worked for us. They had responsibilities and they
learned to work. We had dinner together at home and we talked. Some of my
favorite memories are of sitting around the kitchen table, long after the food
had been eaten, just talking, laughing, and listening. Much of my healing came
from being able to laugh and give my children the things I had so desperately
needed.
If you're bitter about not growing up in a perfect world, then let me ask you
this: What are you doing to make life better for your children? Are you
perpetuating the unhappiness you felt as a child, or are you willing to turn it
around? It's all about making a conscious choice.
So...do you want to remain bitter, or become better? It's your choice.
Joyce is a freelance writer and owner of Emerson Publications. She is the
creator of “All They’ll Need to Know,” a book that will be invaluable to your
loved ones when you can’t be there to guide them. Visit
www.emersonpublications.com
for lots of good family-friendly information.
Copyright 2007 by Joyce Moseley Pierce. Visit
www.emersonpublications.com to read more of Joyce's stories, to
subscribe to the Family First newsletter, to learn how to
protect your family in your absence, or discover ways to make
money at home. This site is dedicated to helping others create
family unity in many different ways.
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