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Emerson Publications
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The Cycle of Life I married young and started a family right away. I grew up with my children and at times it seemed like we’d never get through the craziness. Now when I think about the times we had together, I wonder how that time could have flown by so quickly. Our first child, a daughter, graduated from high school and couldn’t wait to go away to college. I drove her to Utah and cried the entire flight home. It wasn’t the same without her, and I don’t know how long it took for me to stop putting five plates on the table! Two years later, her brother graduated and moved out of the house. It worked out to his sister’s advantage because she acquired a husband at school, and now they wanted to move in with us. They say it’s hard for two women to share a kitchen, but I’ll give up my kitchen to anyone who wants it, so it worked out fine. I was glad to have two people who wanted to take over the cooking. After about a year, we got transferred to Texas, so we split up and went our separate ways. Our third child was not in such a rush to leave. In fact, she decided to move with us. She hadn’t found any acceptable men in Kansas, so we thought the big State of Texas might offer more opportunity. I actually introduced her to the man she married, and it was a sad day when she moved out. She was the Martha Stewart of our family and loved to clean, so I began to whine about missing my housekeeper. Her husband liked to tell me that his apartment had never been cleaner. I was beginning to doubt my wisdom in providing the man who would take her away. So here I was approaching 50, and I had lost not only my children, but my cook and housekeeper! At that point, my greatest fears were realized. I was living alone with a man I didn’t know. At one time divorce looked like the answer, but we got through it and started to actually enjoy being alone. We were free to date each other again without having to check in with anyone else. With only two mouths to feed, many nights we met after work and ate out just because we could! We had just eased into the new role of empty nesters and were loving life, and then everything fell apart. My mother had been living in a nursing home in another state for a few years. I went to visit as often as I could, but after several years, she was starting to run out of money. She needed to be where a family member could watch over her, and when my husband suggested we not only bring her to Houston, but move her in with us, I was sure he had lost his mind. As we talked about it, I realized we really didn’t have any other options. I knew that having her in our home would be a challenge for both of us, but in spite of all my reasons why it wouldn’t work, we did it anyway. I flew to Tennessee with empty suitcases, packed her things, and brought her to our home. The roles immediately reversed as I started handling her affairs. I knew there would be a period of adjustment, but I wasn’t prepared for the doctors dispensing happy pills to cheer her up. I ended up having to commit her to a psychiatric hospital to get her off the pills and try to get my mother back. I thought she’d die in that hospital, but my mother’s a fighter. Within a couple of weeks, she was a different person and we brought her back home. I quickly became the parent handling everyday responsibilities for her care. I have to make sure she eats, bathes, and takes her medicine. I have had the responsibility selling her home, disposing of the contents. I call and order things she sees on television and pick up things for her from the store. I’m also the one who eventually has to return almost everything she asks me to pick up. Last year she fell and broke her hip, so I dealt with doctors dispensing too much morphine, and aides who wouldn’t respond to her calls for help. I needed to be there with her every day to keep them from killing her. There are millions of stories to tell, but unless you’ve been through the experience yourself, you just wouldn’t believe them. At one point, I was the child, and my mother made sure I had the best care available. I did the same thing for my children, and prepared them for the day they’d grow up and have families of their own. I don’t think it ever occurred to me that I would one day be taking care of my own mother. It’s just not supposed to happen that way. As much as we love our parents, the natural course of life is that they die before we do and we are the ones left to bury them. That’s what they expect. The part we don’t expect is that our roles may one day reverse and the child will, out of necessity, become the parent. Copyright 2008. Joyce is the owner of Emerson Publications and editor of the Family First Newsletter. Visit www.emersonpublications.com to learn more about preparing your family for all stages of life. Visit www.prepareandsucceed.com if there’s just not enough paycheck at the end of the month.
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