The Family First
Newsletter
Promoting family unity one issue at a time
Vol. 10 Issue 3 - Week of January 15, 2007
ISSN: 1527-6201
©2007 - Joyce Pierce --All Rights Reserved
In this issue:
How Did I Get in this Mess?
Learn to Love Your Body
A Path to Self-Love
A Message To Overweight Kids or Teens
Good morning!
We can all agree that miracles do happen after seeing the two kidnapped boys rescued in Missouri. It's wonderful to see the boys reunited with their families, but they still have challenges to face. Let's continue to keep them in our prayers.
Today is the first really cold day we've had here in Houston. Yesterday I was in short sleeves and today I'm hoping to sit tight at home and stay out of the cold!
This is Martin Luther King's birthday. Many of you may be at home today. If you'd like to read more about him, here's a link:
http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/1964/king-bio.html
Please forward
this issue to someone who may benefit from it!
Joyce Pierce
How Did I Get In This Mess?
By Terry Rigg
When I was younger and having all kinds of money problems, I
ask myself this question a thousand times. It seemed like one
day we were doing fine financially and the next we owed
everybody. How can it happen so quick?
This is a problem that a lot of people are experiencing today.
It can be one of the most helpless and frustrating situations
most of us can find ourselves in. To make matters worse, it
seems the harder we try to get a handle on our finances the
deeper in debt we become.
There isn't an answer that covers everybody, naturally, but I
believe that in most cases we simply weren't paying close enough
attention to the details of our finances. We figure that an
extra payment here or there won't make a difference, until it's
too late.
I know for myself and most of the people I have counseled over
the years, that it wasn't until we took a good hard look at how
we got ourselves in debt, that we were able to start working on
a way out. This isn't for the purpose of placing blame, but is
necessary to determine what changes needed to be made and to
prevent it from happening again.
I have found that very few people, including myself, have ever
been taught even the basics of proper money management, either
at home or at school. This hit home when I had to teach all
three of my kids how to fill out and maintain a check book,
after they graduated from high school. I assumed that they would
learn this in school. I realize now that I should have been more
aware of what they were not learning and accepted the
responsibility of teaching them the fundamentals of handling
their money myself. That was my job.
If you are just starting out in the work force or going to
college, it is time for you to learn that you have to work at
managing your money, everyday. It is essential that you learn as
much as you can about setting up a budget and using every
expense cutting method you can think of. Even if you are making
good money you need to know exactly what you have coming in and
what you have going out. There are a lot of people making $70,
000 or more a year that are having money problems.
There usually isn't just one thing that causes us to accumulate
debt. It can be anything from buying more house than we can
afford to running our credit card balances to the hilt. It
almost always happens a step at a time.
Let me give you an example: You buy a house with payments that
are more than you wanted to pay, but it is exactly what you were
looking for, so you decide you can cut back in other areas. Now
you've used all of your cash for the down payment on the house,
but you still need furniture. It's time to break out the credit
cards. You don't realize just how much the furniture, curtains,
pictures, rugs, etc. will cost. Now your credit cards are
reaching their limit. Then the electric bill comes in and it is
double what you were expecting. This can all happen within just
a couple of months.
The above example may not fit your situation, however, chances
are no one purchase caused the problem. This is why it is
absolutely necessary to pay close attention to your finances and
plan every purchase. The only way to know if you can afford
something is to have a budget in place.
For most people, there are too many expenses for the average
individual or family to keep track of in their head. You have to
take what ever time you need to put this information down on
paper after considering all of your possible expenses. You can
do this on a piece of notebook paper or find a simple budget
form. Which ever way you choose, make sure that you review it
before you make any purchases.
As I stated before, it is necessary to know what events led to
your money problems so that you will know what actions to avoid
in the future. This will be vitally important on the road to
your financial recovery.
Terry Rigg is the
author of Living Within Your Means - The Easy Way
http://www.homemoneyhelp.com/ebookadpage3.html and editor of the
Budget
Stretcher web site. To Subscribe to The FREE Budget Stretcher
Newsletter and
receive The Complete Budget and Bill Organizer
absolutely free just visit
his home page at
http://www.homemoneyhelp.com
Learn to Love Your Body
Twenty-four percent of women and 17 percent of men say they would give up more than three years of life to be thinner. That’s according to a poll conducted by Psychology Today magazine.
At the same time, studies show that half of American women overestimate the size of their bodies.
Sociologists who study the western-world phenomenon of poor body image attribute the problem to a variety of factors, including media and cultural influences, as well as parental and peer messages.
The advertising industry ties the already complex issue of body image with materialism. A slender body is associated with wealth, health, and attractiveness. A heavier body is associated with sloth, indulgence, and a lack of self-control.
Psychological factors can add to the effect of media and culture. Girls who experienced sexual abuse or an emotionally difficult puberty are more prone to body dissatisfaction as adults. So are women who feel they have little control over their lives.
Women who have felt the most brutal blows from poor body image say it is not a single factor acting in isolation. Jennifer Tracy, who battled bulimia for nine years, says a combination of factors, such as a non-supportive family environment and a poor self-image, snowballed in the presence of cultural influences.
"If I had love for myself or love from my family," Tracy says, "it would not matter what a model looked like, and it would not affect my personal self-esteem."
~The Dangers of Body Dissatisfaction When we realize that it is a combination of influences that lead to body dissatisfaction, we empower ourselves to solve the problem. We can seize power by breaking the chain of these influences wherever we can.
Carolyn Strauss is a top plus-size model, author of Specialty Modeling, and a nationally recognized expert on body image issues, from fashion to self-esteem. Her accomplishments now include her own clothing collection featured on the Home Shopping Network. Through it all, she helps other women move toward a more positive body image. Strauss says the biggest danger of a negative body image lies in the power it gives away.
"When someone has a poor body image, she will try to find validation from outside to make her feel better. The next diet, the next fashion fad, the next boyfriend, anything but where she is now. Instead of living in the moment, she may find herself living for ‘when I look better,’" Strauss says. "Remember, the goal of most advertising it to make you ‘not OK’ so that, upon using that product, you will become OK. I say, start OK and then you’ll only buy what you choose to have for yourself."
Most of us can think of a time when we thought a new haircut, diet, or lipstick would turn everything around for us. But that mindset can lead to a lot of wasted time and money. Constant self-monitoring can also drain your energy, and it can even lead to depression and hostility.
A University of Toronto study, published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders, found that women who were interviewed after seeing magazine ads that featured female models showed a significant and immediate decrease in self-esteem.
Poor body image can lead to crash dieting and excessive exercise, which can, in turn, lead to poor nutrition, injuries, and depression. In it’s most dangerous form, a negative body image may fuel an eating disorder or Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD).
When you are continually distracted with physical appearance, the energy of your mind, body, and spirit is diverted from more salient endeavors.
~Solutions Seek help. If you feel that your body image has become a pre-occupation, don’t hesitate to talk to a counselor or therapist. Amoreena Brewton, a mother with a background in sociology and counseling, has conducted research on women and body image. She says, "Some people are too deeply entrenched in their body issues to resolve them on their own. Often, there are personal or familial issues at play when a person has an eating disorder, so seeking professional help is highly recommended."
Tracy agrees. "In the end, my success came from the deep desire to stop, which had been inside of me for years, and then getting into serious therapy with an eating disorder specialist. Having someone who focuses on just that area was a true lifesaver."
Make small changes. A global change in cultural and economic structures would, no doubt, help us all achieve a more positive body image. But there will likely always be supermodels, paid endorsements, and the unstoppable "quest for the best" bandwagon.
Instead, enforce changes on a smaller scale. Brewton suggests we stop allowing those negative forces into our lives. "Don’t buy Cosmo, buy Redbook," she says. "Look at really powerful, intelligent successful women whom you admire as often as possible. For example: Oprah, Rosie, Hillary, Martha, your mom, your grandmother, your daughter."
Use positive affirmations. When you catch yourself commiserating over tight blue jeans, don’t let your mind get stuck in the negativity. When that negative voice does emerge, follow it with 10 positive thoughts.
Tracy says repetition is key. "It begins with re-recording the negative messages in your own mind, which are so painful," she says. "I have probably re-recorded that message over 500,000 times, and I keep losing it. But it’s easier to find for the next time."
There are tools to help you re-program the thoughts you direct at yourself. One successful example is the "Think Right Now" series of audiotapes and software programs: http://www.bestselfhelp.com/toprated/thinkrightnow.htm
Once you navigate yourself out of the negativity rut, you’ll feel better about yourself, and you’ll better understand your power to create and maintain a healthier mind, body, and spirit.
Remember your spiritual connection. "The first thing to remember is that the Universe does not make mistakes," Strauss says. You are where you are for a reason. Acknowledge this and then choose how to proceed with the next minute, hour, day, of your life."
For the religious and spiritual among us, body image may instantly improve with the simple reminder that God gave you the body you have for a reason. He didn’t make you to look like Cindy Crawford because you aren’t Cindy Crawford. He wants you to be healthy enough to do your life’s work. To live and work at an optimum level. So, accept His creation, and nurture it.
Surround yourself with supportive friends. "As I began to recover little by little from bulimia," Tracy says. "I did not surround myself with people who were as concerned about body size. I put myself among beautiful, strong, and intelligent women who really put little emphasis on looks."
Brewton also recommends surrounding yourself with friends whose focus is not on exteriors. "Other women can make the biggest difference in our lives by being mentors and leading by example," Brewton says. She suggests we find a group of women to meet with regularly to discuss issues important to our lives, but, she says, don’t focus solely on body issues. "Obsessing as a group is no better than obsessing as an individual," she says.
Find a group of supportive women, either in your neighborhood or online. Then use this safe, non-critical environment to empower one another.
Focus on health. Change your relationship with food. Food is fuel for active living. Strive not for a number on the scale but for a weight at which you feel strong and energetic. Ask yourself if your diet contributes - or takes away from - your health and energy levels.
When we stop focusing on our bodies, and begin to focus on our health, our bodies have an easier time finding our optimal weight. Researchers at the Stanford University School of Medicine have discovered that people who start a weight-loss program when they feel happiest about their body are more than twice as likely to lose weight as people who are less satisfied.
Tracy proves that we can control how much power food has over us. "One of the most important factors in my success has been to eat everything and anything I want, whenever. I do not diet, restrict, or make rules for myself in any way. This sets my life up so that I don’t ever feel restricted and needy for food. It has taken a lot of the importance out of food for me," Tracy says. "Since I quit my bulimic behaviors, I have lost 15 pounds, my face and cheeks are not swollen, and I feel really good."
Change your relationship with exercise. Regular exercise creates power and endurance, which can help you enjoy more activities. Can you hike as far as you like? Would you like to try kayaking? Do you know the joys of a "runner’s high"?
Find an exercise you enjoy. If you hate aerobic dance, don’t join an aerobics class. If you hate the gym, don’t spend your time there. Instead, experiment with exercises you’ve never tried before. Is there an exercise that makes you feel physically empowered? Do that one.
Motivate yourself to exercise by reminding yourself about the burst of energy that inevitably follows a workout.
Change your relationship with your body. When food becomes a tool for active living, and exercise becomes a tool for increased strength, your body becomes a tool for your mind. Suddenly, your body has the endurance and power to do what the mind wills.
"Our bodies are miracles, walking around in skin," Brewton says. You will never come across a finer work of art or machinery."
Befriend your body, and ask yourself how you want to spend your life energy. "Imagine for a moment that you took all that time you spend thinking about appearance and focused on how much you love your ability to communicate well, or what a great mom you are, or ways to solve the issue of homelessness," Brewton says. "If you took that negative energy and used it for good, not only would your life improve, but the world would improve, as well."
About the author: Susie Cortright is the editor of two "just for you" websites: BestSelfHelp.com, which saves you time and money by cataloging only the best personal growth tools, and Momscape.com, devoted to helping busy parents find balance. Today, Momscape visitors receive Susie's "6 Days to Less Stress" course free:
http://www.momscape.com . And BestSelfHelp visitors receive free online self-help books:
http://www.bestselfhelp.com About the author: Susie Cortright is the founder of Momscape.com and Susies-Coupons.com, where she hand-picks only the very best online coupons and products, including freebies with purchase.
Susie Cortright may be contacted at http://www.momscape.com or susie@momscape.com
A Path to Self-Love
When I first began "serious" dating, every man was supposed to be "the one." Statements like, “He's the one for you” and “When are you two getting married?” were constantly tossed my way. What no one saw was the way I was treated and the inner turmoil of the relationship.
Because society often sees single people as sad and alone, I stayed in bad relationships and was deeply lonely. For insight on how I ended up in toxic relationships, you need to understand where I came from.
I grew up poor in a house that was filled with drugs and predators. My mom was supporting two children and was rarely home, so I grew up feeling rejected and alone. Do you see the pattern?
My older brother used drugs to escape and I used food. By the age of eight, I started on a journey to discover why men sought to harm me and why I was so ugly, stupid and fat; and I ravenously read every book I could find. That's a small peak into my childhood.
Skip forward…With all my education, I still ended up in toxic relationships. Why? I picked men with different careers, education levels and socio-economic backgrounds, but I still picked men who treated me badly.
The laws of attraction ruled my life. I only attracted those who hurt me as badly as I hurt myself. One day when I was socializing with people involved in the NFL, the title, "Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown at a Time" began to develop in my head.
In order to write the book, I set out to interview men and women on the street to find out what their thoughts on relationships were. A year and a half later, I started on my own journey of self-discovery. It was then I realized I wasn't the ugly, fat, stupid person I always told myself I was. I was a kind person who struggled with my weight, but that didn't mean I deserved any less than the best.
It was also at that point I realized I was much happier being single. I started to practice self-love and I wrote and was happy. People would stop me on the street to tell me how much I glowed.
They say love comes when you least expect it, and it was during that time I met my soul mate. On our first date, we spent the entire afternoon through the next morning talking and laughing. The following day my mom called and I told her about the date stating firmly, "I'm not going to date him." In that instant, something clicked and I changed my statement. "No way! I am going to date him." I made a choice (and you can too) to change my dating pattern. I was going to date the man who didn't have the element of "danger," which was the underlying current of all the other men I had dated.
What changed and how can you change your life to attract your soul mate? There are no magic pills and no words from others will change your life. You must make a decision and commitment to yourself to change. You really must love yourself before anyone else can.
Is my life perfect? No, but I am perfectly in love. I still struggle with self-esteem and my weight. When you're addicted to self-abusive behavior, it's something you must keep in check. It's a disease that will be a life-long struggle. I have to take it one day at a time.
I encourage you to work towards the best relationship you deserve. Read, study, but most of all, learn and practice self-love. Thank you for reading my story. I hope it helps you start on a new path of change. I wish you a great crossing into a life of love and happiness.
Jaci Rae’s grit and determination have brought her from an impoverished childhood to a career as an award-winning singer, No. 1 best-selling author and entrepreneur who has toured around the world. Jaci shares her down-to-earth advice as the relationship advisor/expert/dating coach for igniteromance.com, savvymiss.com, lovingyou.com, loveisgreat.com and singlescafe.net.
A Message To Overweight Kids or Teens
If you are overweight or obese, don't be afraid to ask your parents for help. I know that you may think they are too busy, don't think it is a problem, or will just tell you to "eat less and get up and move instead of sitting around all the time". It isn't quite that simple.
Please let your parents know how you feel. They love you and want what is best for you. They want you to be happy. They may not have any idea how your weight is affecting your life. I'm sure if you are open and honest with them, they will want to help you.
DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT put yourself on a diet. A restrictive diet is not the answer, because even if you lose a lot of weight, you will probably gain it back, plus some, when the diet is over. If you want to lose weight to have more confidence, attract a boyfriend/girlfriend, get the other kids to stop teasing and bullying you, etc., you must change your lifestyle. That may mean doing some things you don't do today.
Good nutrition is the first key to healthy weight loss. If you don't like vegetables, eat them anyway. As you become used to them, you will learn to like most of them (I promise!). Fruits and vegetables not only contain vitamins and minerals to make you look and feel better, but they contain fiber, which will make you feel fuller. Just take a few bites of everything, and go easy on the white bread and anything made with sugar. I know you love pizza, but it is high in calories, so order it with thin crust, veggies, and NO extra cheese. Limit your pizza to once or twice a week, and eat a salad first.
Skip the sodas and drink water or low-fat milk instead. You really need the calcium in milk and dairy products, so try for 3 servings a day of low-fat milk, cottage cheese, cheese or yogurt. Just ONE regular size soda a day can make you gain 10 pounds in a year. I don't even want to think about how many pounds the extra-large sodas might cause you to gain!
Skip the French fries, and have a salad instead. French fries really shouldn't count as a vegetable since they are almost all starch. Have a baked potato instead, and go easy on the butter and sour cream.
Turn off the TV and computer, and go to bed earlier! Studies have proven that there is a direct connection between obesity and not getting enough sleep. As a preteen or teenager, you need 9 or more hours of sleep each night.
Do something each day for exercise. Get a pedometer so that you can record the number of steps you take each day, and try to reach 10,000 a day. Offer to run errands for your parents, run the vacuum, walk the dog, or whatever chores will involve movement. Ride your bike, work out to an exercise video, or join the YMCA or Boys’ & Girls’ club so you can swim, shoot hoops, or work out on the exercise equipment.
Ask your mom or dad for a few minutes of their time to have a private talk with you, and then share your feelings and goals concerning your weight. Ask for their help. If they are overweight also, ask if the whole family can lose weight and get healthier together. Your talk may be all they need to get started. Do it today!!
Bev Grey is founder of Grandma's Healthy Kids Club, a program to help children and adults improve their eating and exercise habits through age-appropriate membership packages based on the USDA Food Pyramids. She is also author of "The Project", a fictional story for children and educators or medical professionals who work with children. Bev Grey may be contacted at http://www.grandmashealthykidsclub.com or info@grandmashealthykidsclub.com Where are your priceless photos? In a
box, on a CD, in your camera? Imagine…
your photos, along with your memories and
stories, in a library bound, hardback book,
designed online by YOU!! Making a
storybook or photo journal is so easy and
fun! Contact me for more info and a free
gift!
www.CreateHeritage.com Support Family First - visit our
sponsors and friends To view past issues:
http://www.emersonpublications.com/famfirst.htm
by Susie Cortright
by Jaci Rae
Jaci Rae's latest books are, Shop for a Day with Jaci Rae – How to Get Almost Anything for Free or Next to It and Collista's Search for the True Meaning of Christmas. Other books are Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown At A Time and The Indie Guide to Music, Marketing and Money. For more information http://www.shopforaday.com , http://www.grannysnaturalpopcorn.com , http://www.winningromance.com http://www.christmaswithlove.com or http://www.jacirae.com About.com Dating Guide lists Jaci's book, Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown At A Time in the top six of all time dating / relationship books.
http://dating.about.com/od/datingadvice/ss/RelateBooks_6.htmJaci Rae may be contacted at http://www.jacirae.com
by Bev Grey