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The Family First
Newsletter
Promoting family unity one issue at a time
Vol. 11 Issue 5 - Week of February 18, 2008
ISSN: 1527-6201
©2008 - Joyce Pierce --All Rights Reserved
In this issue:
The Container Theory
of Life
Setting Goals -- Your Ticket to Success
You’re Married to an
Alcoholic: What To Do? What To Do?
Telling Your Stories
Good morning!
Peace, man! I
love the peace symbol. My kids buy me things
to remind me of the 60's and 70's. I have a VW
Bug model car that's decorated with symbols of peace
and flower power. I have a calendar with
something every day to explain some of the crazy
phrases we had. I even have some peace
jewelry. It appears that the "peace"
movement is coming back ... but my big question is
why did it ever leave? Isn't peace what every
one of us wants in our lives? Sure, we like
excitement now and then, but ultimately, we want
peace. We at least want the peace that
comes from within, and we really can't expect peace
on the outside if we don't have it inside.
Think about that.
With that said, I hope
your Valentine's Day was a cheerful one. I
hope it was a mixture of romance, fun, and peace.
See if you can't keep those feelings going
throughout the year.
Peace out!
Please share this
newsletter with someone who may need to read it
today!
Joyce Moseley Pierce
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The Container
Theory of Life
by Anne Heerdt
Turning boundaries into an advantage
We have all seen this among our friends, neighbors, maybe even
ourselves. The two or three car garage with no vehicles
inside. The extra storage in the back or a basement stuffed
full. Closets so full the clothes wrinkle hanging up or are
piled other places. The drawers that never quite shut once
they are open. The purses that are so packed they cause back
strain. It is the American way to push for bigger, better and
ultimate expansion. Most of our ancestors came here because
home was too crowded and too short on resources, and America
offered the ideal of unlimited expansion, opportunity and
prosperity. This fantasy can cost us, but the good news is
that by recognizing limits and employing the Container Theory
we can be healthier financially.
The basic definition of the Container Theory is that material
stuff has limits. Money has limits to how far it can go.
Objects have limits to how much space they take up. Time has
limits. Food has limits. The earth has limits. That one idea
can stretch out and affect everything, but to start small and
effective, we can simply focus on the stuff in your home, your
car, or your backpack. There is a limit. Now add to that basic
idea that everything has its place and you have the foundation
of the Container Theory. Everything has a place, and it is not
unlimited. It sounds simple, but in practice, it can be both
difficult and very rewarding to implement.
I learned the Container Theory the hard way, like everything
really worthwhile. I was living with my family of four, about
to be five, in an apartment under 1,000 feet square. To those
in places like New York or California, this seems okay, but my
family is from the Midwest. There are garages and storage
units and cheaper housing. I had to make some really hard
decisions. There was no money for a storage unit. I wouldn't
have paid it anyway, so what we owned had to fit. No excuses.
When I started to think seriously about the limits to our
apartment, I realized that we were able to cook while camping,
so we could certainly cook with what fit in our kitchen. A
microwave and coffee maker did not fit on the small counter,
so we didn't have them. A cupboard for mugs was only so big,
so each new mug meant we had to get rid of an old one. Not
only did this keep our kitchen functional and clean, but also
it stopped me from shopping. My children had to limit their
toys to the storage space we had. Clothes were recycled out
whenever we got new ones. The items that were too valuable or
expensive to replace, such as the essential camping gear, was
stored in strange places like the second bathroom. Each
decision was underscored by the Container Theory. This is the
size of our box. What will fit? Surprisingly, when I started
to do this in more areas, we saved money too. It saved money
when I didn't buy things we had no room for. It saved money to
find what we already owned. It saved money to get creative and
warm coffee on the stove instead of buying a coffee maker.
It would be easy to focus on the difficulties. I don't want
anyone to think that your friends and family will be so
impressed with how your light bulbs fit into one plastic bin
that they celebrate with you. It won't likely happen, but it
is worth it. Really. How is it worth it? In a philosophical
way, it is dealing with limits, and limits deal with reality.
Not dealing with reality creates pain in many ways. Have you
ever spent money you didn't have or try to squeeze back into
those jeans you have outgrown? In a practical sense, your home
feels so good when things fit where they belong and you can
find them. That is what having a home and a limit does. Your
space and stuff is functional. Pretty awesome. If you still
don't believe me, try this. Open one drawer, cupboard, or
purse that is overflowing and difficult to close. Clean it out
of everything you don't need or does not belong. Then shut the
drawer, close the door or pick up the purse. Imagine if your
whole house felt like that. Things are not overstuffed and
misplaced. That is the real reward.
Anne Heerdt is the mom of 3 and a certified teacher in
Colorado. She has been annoyingly frugal for many years.
Take the Next Step:
As the author instructed, open one drawer, cupboard, or purse
that is overflowing and difficult to close. Clean it out of
everything you don't need or does not belong. Then shut the
drawer, close the door or pick up the purse. Now, imagine if
your whole house felt like that.
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Setting Goals -- Your
Ticket to Success
By Michele PW
You know that old saying
-- if you don't know where you're going, any path will
get you there. That's what happens if you don't take the
time to figure out what your goals are and WRITE them
down. There's power in writing things down. Trust me,
I'm a writer. I KNOW.
Figuring out your goals
is probably one of the most important and one of the
most overlooked steps for creative professionals
starting their business. Ideally you should put together
a business plan. However, I have yet to meet a creative
professional (including myself) who has one. (In fact,
if you do have a business plan, please contact me. I'd
love to chat with you about it.) Second best is getting
your goals down on paper. Here are some things to
include.
- Your personal mission statement. What do you
want to accomplish in your life? Not just as a
creative professional, artist or writer, but as a
person. Knowing your mission will make organizing
your time much easier.
- Your creative or artistic goals -- both
long-term and short-term. What do you want to
accomplish in three months? Six months? This year?
Five years from now?
- Your financial goals -- both long-term and
short-term. Don't forget to write down how much
money you want to make.
- Your plans for your business -- both long-term
and short-term. Break it down the same as your
creative or artistic goals -- three months, six
months, one year and five years. Include a marketing
plan as well. It doesn't have to be elaborate, just
figure out who your target market is, where your
target market is (i.e., local, regional, specific
cities or national), and how you're going to reach
your target market.
- Action steps for each goal, including the
marketing plan. Break each goal into manageable
steps, number each step and add a completion date.
Make a separate copy of this and put it where you
can incorporate these action steps into your daily
activities.
Don't rush this process.
In fact, you should make it a treat for yourself. Go on
a retreat. Try and get away for at least a day if at all
possible (a couple of days would be better yet). Go
somewhere where you won't be interrupted (and that
includes the cell phone). Allow yourself some quiet time
to really think. If it helps, do some meditating or
journaling during this time.
Don't worry about it
being perfect either. This is a working document.
Ideally you should review it every six months or a year
and see where you are and what's changed.
Now, when I first started
my business five years ago, I hadn't planned anything or
written anything down.
This was a mistake.
Sure I had some vague
notions in my head of where I wanted my business and my
writing to go; but by not committing anything to paper,
I didn't end up there. My first three years of my
business I was busy and making money, but I wasn't
getting anywhere near the vague notions dancing around
in my head. Even more amazing, I couldn't figure out
why.
So two years ago, I
started a regular practice of writing down my goals and
plan (much like the above). I do it twice a year, and
you wouldn't believe the difference. Sure, my plans are
far bigger than what I actually accomplish, and I've
also found myself modifying and changing my action steps
(the goals remain pretty constant, but how I attain
those goals does change).
Best yet, I'm now seeing
results. I'm accomplishing my goals.
Take the time to go
through this process. The rewards are worth it.
Creativity Exercise --
Goal setting and creativity
If every year you find
yourself setting goals and never making ANY strides
toward reaching them, perhaps it's time to ask yourself
why. Could it be they aren't YOUR goals but someone
else's goals for you?
I don't care what the
goal is -- stopping smoking, losing weight, starting an
online business, writing that novel -- there's a reason
it keeps climbing up, then falling off the goal list.
And until you figure out WHY that goal is stuck in the
never-never land of goal setting, you'll never actually
pull it into reality.
Is it because you don't
know where to start? Or is the project so big you're
afraid to start? Or you're stuck somewhere in the middle
and don't know what to do next?
Or is it because you
really don't want to do it?
Okay, I'm probably
dredging up all sorts of demons now, but truly, those
demons need to be exorcised or they're constantly going
to be standing between you and your goal.
What I suggest is to take
some quiet time and do a little soul searching.
Journaling and meditation are both excellent ways of
opening up a dialogue between you and your muse. Your
muse is an excellent resource for you. If you ask, it
will tell you which goals really matter and really don't
matter to you.
And, if it turns out that
goal is something you don't want to do? Then stop
putting it on your goal list. I mean it. Quit making
yourself feel like a failure by constantly sticking it
on that list.
What if the goal is
something like quitting smoking? Something you know you
have to do because it's hurting your health? Try this
instead. Rather than making it your goal to quit
smoking, make it your goal to figure out why you don't
want to quit. And what you can do to help yourself
become committed to quitting.
Whatever you do, don't
turn this exercise into a license to beat yourself up.
Be nice to yourself. You're doing this to help, not
hurt, yourself.
michele@writingusa.com
Author's URL:
http://www.michelepw.com
Michele PW (Michele Pariza Wacek) owns Creative Concepts
and Copywriting LLC, a copywriting, marketing
communications and creativity agency. She helps people
become more successful at attracting new clients,
selling products and services and boosting business. To
find out how she can help you take your business to the
next level, visit her site at http://www.michelepw.com.
Copyright 2007 Michele Pariza Wacek
Don't leave your loved ones guessing ... tell them All They'll
Need to Know. There's no better time to get your affairs
in order.
www.emersonpublications.com
You’re Married to an Alcoholic: What To Do? What To Do?
By Neill Neill |
"My Partner is a Functioning Alcoholic"
Being married to a functioning alcoholic can cause many problems in a
family. Tens of thousands of families in North America alone are struggling
with this issue.
A drinking problem can begin in many ways. For some people
it begins with social drinking. Social drinking can gradually deteriorate
into alcohol abuse and eventually into alcohol dependence. The drinking
became a habit and the habit became alcohol dependence or alcoholism. It
matters not whether the alcohol is in the form of beer, wine or hard liquor.
Alcohol is alcohol in any shape or form.
Now your partner has shifted from enjoying a drink to
compulsively needing alcohol to feel okay. And you may have shifted from
being giving and caring to being addicted to your partner's care. Compulsive
caretaking often grows alongside the deteriorating self-care of the
compulsive drinker.
If the alcoholic has more or less continued to hold down a
job, he is politely called a "functioning alcoholic." But he is an alcoholic
nonetheless. He works a great deal below his potential, he neglects or
abuses his family and he may not live very long if he continues the
self-abuse.
Like all addicts, he lies (bold faced lies, lies of
omission, cover-ups, and minimization), he makes excuses, he blames others
for his drinking, and he continues to seek out and use alcohol despite the
consequences.
If there are children present, they copy the lying,
justifying, blaming behavior which they see modeled. They also learn to keep
family secrets and to cover for their alcoholic parent. In other words they
join in the "dance of alcohol" and participate with their parents, learning
how to be alcoholics or how to live with them when they grow up.
If you are an alcoholic and you are in a marriage, you may
have to leave your drinking behind completely in order to gain any hope of
reversing the progressive damage your alcoholism is inflicting on yourself
and your family.
If you are living with a functioning alcoholic, there are
steps you can take too. Perhaps more importantly at first, there are things
you can learn to avoid so that you don't further your partner's alcoholism.
Making excuses for him, for example, only makes things worse. You don't want
to be an enabler or a rescuer.
The Alcoholism Test
Over the years in my psychology practice many women have started their first
session with "My husband is a functioning alcoholic." In the last few days
alone two more women took the Alcoholism Test and left a comment opening
with "My husband is a functioning alcoholic." I seldom see or hear the
statement without also sensing an undertone of desperation and frustration,
as if to say, I didn't bargain for this when we got married.
The Book on Alcoholism
Some time ago I started to write a "survival guide" for women caught in the
predicament of a marriage troubled with alcoholism. It is now available as
the e-book,
Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman's Survival Guide.
Although it is addressed to women who live with alcoholic husbands, it could
be addressed to men with alcoholic wives.
Whether you are a man or a woman, your hope begins with
the first step of educating yourself about the alcohol abuse. Like all
personal change, it starts with you. Are you ready to take that step?
Dr. Neill Neill, psychologist, author and columnist,
maintains an active psychology and life-coaching practice, helping capable
people who feel stuck. Dr. Neill Neill, psychologist, author and columnist,
maintains an active psychology
and life-coaching practice, helping capable people who feel stuck. He is
psychological consultant to the
Sunshine Coast Health
Centre , a private addiction rehab center for men. Dr. Neill writes
practical articles to help you help yourself to a happier and more
fulfilling life. He is the author of
Living with a Functioning Alcoholic - A Woman's Survival Guide .
http://www.neillneill.com
Telling Your Stories
by: Mark Brandenburg
In today’s busy world, many parents have lost
the art of telling their stories to their kids. Here are some reasons why
these stories are so beneficial:
1. Use them to teach lessons about life.
Stories will stimulate conversations with your kids more effectively than
lecturing or “trying to get them to talk. There are a lot of issues
happening for your kids these days, and stories give them a chance to
reflect on them.
2. Stories connect your kids with previous generations.
In a society that seems to have families spread out all over, it's vitally
important to have ways to have your kids feel connected to their extended
families.
3. Stories stimulate your kids’ imagination.
One of the best ways to prepare your kids for the world is to engage them in
vivid stories that stir their imagination. Kids who are exposed to these
kinds of stories will be the creative problem-solvers of the future.
4. Kids who are exposed to stories will continue the tradition with their
own families.
Knowing that your family traditions and stories will be carried on by future
generations is very comforting.
5. Stories can encourage your kids when they're discouraged
Childhood can get pretty discouraging sometimes. Kids are encouraged by
knowing that Mom or Dad have gone through the same kinds of things and have
survived.
6. Telling your stories has you remembering your own childhood.
Telling your kids about your childhood is a great way for you to remember
and reflect on what was important about your younger years.
7. Telling stories helps to create depth and soul in your kids.
In a TV and media-crazy culture, telling stories can capture your kids’
attention and convey real meaning. It’s a way to show your kids what’s
really important in your life.
8. Telling stories to your kids tells them they're worth the time.
Is there anything more important than conveying to your kids that you want
to spend intimate time with them? They’ll remember it forever.
9. Telling stories is a great chance to convey your values.
Your kids will be getting quite a few messages from their friends and from
popular culture. Stories are a great opportunity to sneak in a few of your
cherished values for your kids to hear.
10. Well-crafted stories create a wonderful mind-set for your kids before
they fall asleep.
Kids will fall asleep faster and with healthier images when you tell them
your stories.
Don't pass up the opportunity to connect with your kids at the same time you
tell them what's important to you. It will be a huge gift to your kids, and
a huge gift to you.
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches
men to be better fathers and husbands. He
is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally
Intelligent Fathers”
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm For a free
ecourse for fathers, articles, and a
FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your
Kids,” go to
http://www.markbrandenburg.com.
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