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Emerson Publications
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The Family First
Newsletter In this issue:
Parents, Time to Give Control Back to Your Teen Consequences of Authoritarian Parenting Three Simple Steps toward Breast Cancer Prevention
Good morning! I have always kept a journal, and whenever there was a dispute about anything, I could pull it out and at least give MY version of what happened. About 3 years ago, my hard drive crashed and I lost an entire year of journaling. At that point, I decided to take a break and regroup! I've tried to hand write things in a journal, but that just doesn't work for me. At a typing speed of 130 words per minute, I can type almost as fast as I can think. However, when I'm writing with a pen, my mind is racing faster than my hands can keep up! So...I've returned to the keyboard to record my thoughts. Yesterday, after a nice day at church, I went back through my electronic calendar (yes, I'm an electronic girl!) and was able to recall some of the things I'd experienced and how I felt about them.
I guess what got me started even thinking about it was talking to a friend yesterday whose dad is fighting cancer. They had a real scare last week, but she was expressing her gratitude that it wasn't as serious as they first thought, AND then started remembering some of her favorite things about her dad. I suggested she start a gratitude journal where she could record all the things she's grateful for. She thought that sounded like a good idea.
If the thought of writing anything
scares you, it's good to know that a gratitude
journal doesn't really require much writing.
It's more of a list, where you record the things
you're grateful for. Pick it up today and make
a list of things you're grateful for. If you
don't pick it up until next month, or even next
year, that's okay. At least you have one list
to reflect on in the future. Maybe that's a
topic for a future article... I am grateful for all of the blessings in my life, and I appreciate you! Please forward this issue to someone who may benefit from it!
A 15-year study revealed that women who work at
home have a 54% higher death rate from cancer than women who work outside the
home. This has been directly linked to the high concentration of harsh chemicals
in the home. There are other options! www.familyfirst.fourpointwellness.com
Parents, Time to Give Control Back to Your Teen
Parents sometimes feel that the only way they can be a "good parent" is to be in complete control of their teenager and prevent them from making mistakes. That's not true. A good parent gradually gives control back to their teenager and helps them learn through the decisions, and the mistakes, that they make. And when the teen displays immaturity and irresponsibility, or makes a really bad decision, we parents are often too quick to snatch back control and clamp down even harder on the rules. In those situations, protecting our teen from making any more mistakes may be doing more harm than good. "The problem with over-control is this: while a major responsibility of good parenting is certainly to control and protect, they must make room for their child to make mistakes. Over-controlled children are subject to dependency, enmeshment conflicts and difficulty setting and keeping firm boundaries. They also have problems taking risks and being creative." -- Dr. Henry Cloud So, my advice is to gradually allow your teenager to have some control, and avoid taking it back . . . -Let them assume more and more responsibility -Encourage them to make thoughtful decisions -Set reasonable boundaries -Let them learn from their mistakes and don't soften the blow -Spend more time in discussion rather than dictation -Offer sound advice, if they want it -Avoid saying "I told you so." Giving control shouldn't be without limits . . . Like training wheels on a bicycle, give your child some control over their "ride" in life, but have some basic safeguards in place. These are the same kind of limits we as adults experience. For instance, there is a limit on your credit card. Why do you think credit card companies do that? Once you prove yourself, they raise the limits. But it's still giving you control of your own spending. In every area of life we have limits, and it is just as important for your teen to learn how to incorporate living within certain limits as they make decisions on their own. A lack of limits has the tendency to produce a child that is selfish, independent, demanding and aggressively controlling. Limits and the easing of control for an older teen can usually go like this. "Yes, you can take the car, but you can have no more than one other teen in the car, and have it back here by 11PM." You don't have to go into all the factual details, like studies have shown that having other teenagers in the car is a major cause of accidents for teenage drivers, and that most accidents for teens happen late at night. Simply make it known (and stick to it) that if your simple rules aren't followed, then the next time they need it, the car won't be available to them. Teenagers will go wild if they aren't given some boundaries. Moral and ethical boundaries don't change from adolescence to adulthood, and neither should your expectations of your teen's behavior. What I'm referring to is giving them control over more and more decisions about things like budgeting money, education, clothing, and transportation, not over whether or not it is time to abandon civilized behavior. While they are living at home, or even at college while their tuition is being paid for by you, you can expect them to be living within reasonable moral boundaries, or they'll lose some of the privileges you are providing. Consequences of breaking those estabnlished boundaries should be clear and understood up front, and enforced without wavering. Giving control means allowing your teen to learn from bad decisions . . . Giving control to your teen means they'll begin learning from making small mistakes, but only if you allow those mistake to hurt a bit. For example, if your teenage boy takes his gas money and decides to blow it all on the latest music CD, then you're not helping him by giving him more gas money. He needs to learn to set aside gas money and never use it for anything else. Softening the blow will only lead them to making the same mistakes again and again. By the way, your teen will rarely come right out and say that they made a bad decision. If you're waiting for it, don't hold your breath. In fact, they may defend their decision with all their might, all along knowing it was bad. It simply is not in their nature to go around talking about their mistakes, nor to suggest that they were wrong, but they will have learned from the mistake nonetheless. And, take note of this. Never use the old "I told you so" phrase with them when they make a mistake. If you're tempted to, bite your tongue, because "I told you so" tends to undermine the learning experience (and it makes an adult sound childish, too). If you offered your sage advice (which is the reasonable thing for any parent to do) and they didn't heed it, then it is best to keep that to yourself. They may only "fess up" that they should have taken your advice after years have gone by, or when they become a parent themselves. A job well done . . . When the time comes for our children to enter adulthood and make tough decisions on their own, we hope that we have given them ample time and opportunity to learn from making smaller decisions. As in everything else in life, good decision-making takes practice. If they have had some control over their own decisions earlier on, and they've learned from making wrong decisions, then we've done our job of teaching them. Most teenagers say that they want to be out on their own when they turn 18 and make all their own decisions. But the fact is, they usually have difficulty becoming independent. They secretly wish to avoid the kind of responsibilities they see their parents have, and for as long as possible. The tendency, then, is that we'll have to nudge them out of the nest in some way, and the best way to do that is to get them started early making their own decisions and learning to do so within the limits.
Mark Gregston is a teen behavior expert, an author, lecturer, radio host and the Executive Director of the Heartlight Treatment Center for Troubled Teens. See it at
http://www.heartlightministries.org . Mark's "Tips for Parents of Troubled Teens" blog can be seen at
www.markgregston.com .
Mark Gregston may be contacted at http://www.heartlightministries.org or markgregston@heartlightministries.org
MOMS
(And DADS) MAKE MORE!
Consequences of Authoritarian Parenting
Do you believe that it is your job as a parent to have control over your children? Do you find yourself trying to control your children in the ways your parents tried to control you, or in the ways you learned from siblings, friends or relatives? Do you hope that through yelling, threatening, shaming, blaming, judging, demanding, spanking, nagging, lecturing, explaining, arguing, and so on, you will get them to do what you want them to do? Is it working?
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. may be contacted at http://www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com
Give your kids more! Three Simple Steps toward Breast Cancer Prevention
Three main lifestyle habits lay the foundation for breast cancer prevention. They include:
* Staying physically active * Limiting alcohol * Eating right
The evidence so far tells us healthy eating and regular exercise really does contribute to breast cancer prevention. Plus, if you limit your exposure to substances that promote breast cancer, you will benefit even more.
There are some risks toward a higher incident of breast cancer that you cannot control. These include:
* Your age * Genetic make-up Although these two factors may loom against you there are still steps you can take on your own to prevent breast cancer. They provide no guarantee that you still will not develop the disease. They will give you a start toward breast cancer prevention.
Some of the easiest things you can control is what you eat and drink and how much exercise you get.
There remains a strong link between alcohol consumption and breast cancer. Seems that it does not matter the type of alcohol one consumes, whether it be wine, beer or mixed drinks, there does not seem to be a difference according to researchers. A step toward breast cancer prevention would be to limit your alcohol to less than one drink per day or to avoid alcohol completely.
Researchers tells us there is also a clear link between obesity or weighing more than is appropriate for your age and height and breast cancer. This is especially true if you gain the extra weight late in life or after menopause. The reason for this is that excess fatty tissue is a source of circulating estrogen in the body. Breast cancer risk is linked to how much estrogen you are exposed to during a lifetime.
If you stay active with a regular exercise regime you are better able to maintain a healthy weight. This one accomplishment alone lowers your risk of breast cancer regardless of age or genetic make-up. We are consistently told to aim for 30 minutes of moderate exercise on most days of the week. Always try to include weight-bearing exercises like walking, jogging or aerobics, which have the added benefit of keeping your bones and joints strong and healthy.
To date studies suggest a slight decrease in risk of invasive breast cancer for women who eat a low-fat diet. The effect is modest. It is probably a good idea to eat a low-fat diet anyway because it reduces your risk of other diseases like diabetes, cardiovascular disease and stroke. A low-fat diet also can help you maintain healthy weight, which in turns, will help you in taking steps toward breast cancer prevention.
For the greatest benefit limit fat intake to less than 35 percent of your daily calories and restrict foods high in saturated fat.
Researchers have discovered two promising agents to help us prevent breast cancer. They are:
1. Retinoids 2. Flaxseed Retinoids are natural or synthetic forms of vitamin A. Retionids may have the ability to destroy or disturb the growth of cancer cells. Retinoids may also be effective in premenopausal women and in those whose tumors are not estrogen-positive. Flaxseed is quite high in one phytoestrogen, which is "lignan." Phytoestrogens are compounds that occur naturally and lower circulating estrogens in the body. Lignan appears to decrease estrogen production and may help to inhibit the growth of some breast cancers.
Research continues, however, any woman at any age or genetic make-up can start today toward breast cancer prevention simply by staying active, watching what you eat and limiting intake of alcohol.
Source: Mayo Clinic Written by: Connie Limon. For an extensive list of FREE reprint articles about Breast Cancer visit us at
http://smalldogs2.com/BreastCancerArticles
© 2007 Connie Limon All Rights Reserved This article is FREE to publish with the resource box.
Written by: Connie Limon. For an extensive list of FREE reprint articles about Breast Cancer visit us at
http://smalldogs2.com/BreastCancerArticles
Connie Limon may be contacted at http://www.stainglassshihtzus.com or connielimon@yahoo.com Don't leave your loved ones guessing...record
your information now.
U.S. Independence Day History, A Patriotic Gift
The history books in school never told you a lot of what happened during the Revolutionary War. We didn't fight just the British. We were truly British subjects that time in history, and we fought our own government for the birth of our new nation. To succeed from Britain and gain our independence we paid a heavy price for our liberties. Today, some people take these liberties to much for granted, and most do not know the true price that was originally paid, and is still being paid today on a daily basis to sustain our liberties that we all share in this great country of ours.
Whatever happened to the 56 patriotic men after they signed the Declaration of Independence?
Five that signed were captured as traitors by the British, and tortured before they died. Twelve had their homes ransacked, then burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army, and another had two sons captured. Nine of the 56 fought and died in the Revolutionary War from wounds or hardships.
They signed and they patriotically pledged their lives, fortunes, and their sacred honor for their new country. What kind of men were they?
Twenty-four of them were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants of various trades, nine were farmer owners of large plantations: men of means, and very well educated. They signed the Declaration of Independence knowing fully well that the ultimate penalty would be death if they were captured by the British during the war.
Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader watched his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. After that, he sold his home and property to pay his debts and died penniless.
Thomas McKeam was so hounded and stalked by the British that he moved his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without any pay, as he kept his family in hiding. All his possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his ultimate reward.
It was said that vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton. In the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson Jr. wrote; "The British General Cornwallis has taken over my home and is using it for his headquarters." He somberly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt and in poverty.
Francis Lewis had his home and property destroyed as well. The British jailed his wife, and she died within a few months afterwards. John Hart and his 13 children had to flee from his wife's bedside as she was dying, because of a British attack of their home. His fields and his gristmill were burned and laid to waste. Afterwards, for more than a year he lived in caves in the forest, then returning to find his wife dead and his children vanished. In just a few weeks after he died from exhaustion and a broken heart. Norris and Livingston endured similar fates.
These are their stories and the sacrifices our forefathers made during the American Revolution. These men were not wild-eyed, terrorists. They truly were soft-spoken men of means and education. They already had made their fortunes and security, but they valued liberty more! They stood tall and straight, and unwavering, as they patriotically pledged: "For the support of the declaration, with firm reliance on the protection of the divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other, our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor."
They gave you and me a free and independent America. That was their patriot gift in forming a new nation with liberty and justice for all that we still enjoy to this day. So I ask you to please always remember; Freedom is truly never free! Patriotism is (NOT) a sin, and the Fourth of July has always had more to it than fireworks, beer, picnics, baseball games, and another holiday off.
I pray that you will truly show your patriotic support for our great country this and every 4th of July holiday to come, and silently thank God for the patriots who serve today and throughout our history for the freedoms that we all enjoy.
A person with strong Christian and patriotic beliefs. Tenacity, faith, and a belief in God, Country and Family are key components to success in life.
Steven E Coffman may be contacted at http://www1.ecxmall.com/stores/familyestore/StoreFront.bok or Family-eStore@hotmail.com Support Family First - visit our
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