Teaching Self Confidence

by:  Earl Nightingale

A distinguished American psychotherapist has said that no one, as far as we know, is born neurotic. We learn to become neurotic as a result of our upbringing. We are raised by other human beings and they literally teach us to become neurotic.

If a child is raised to believe that intelligence and beauty are worthwhile traits, and that he is bright and handsome, well, he will tend to look upon himself as "good" and to have a favorable self-concept. But if he is raised to believe that he is stupid and ugly, he will tend to look upon himself as "bad" and to have a poor self-concept.

Our early self-concepts depend upon the concepts that others have toward us. If those who are important in the life of a child generally blame him, he will learn to blame himself; if they consistently accept him, he will learn to accept himself. That does not mean that the self-concept a child first learns is absolutely final and crucial; he can, later in life, change it for better or worse. But it's hard. And this early self-concept is most important, and it does tend to set the pattern for later attitudes and behavior.

I read somewhere that self-confidence is like a psychological credit card. And I can still remember my mother telling me that I could do anything I set my heart upon. To tell a youngster he or she is great is to give him the kind of self-image he needs to build a meaningful life for himself. Youngsters will discover their limitations, their blind spots, the areas in which they have little or no aptitude, soon enough without our help. Self confidence is a kind of psychological credit card and is of far greater value than any other we can carry. When we see someone who is neurotic, it should elicit our sympathy in the realization that the person was not born that way...he was taught to be neurotic by his elders. Neuroses are like chains that are put on children to hinder them in their development and activities.

Living in Integrity with What You Really Want
by Pamela Ramey-Tatum

It's easy to want, to desire, and to dream about what we want. One thing is certain, we humans are never short on desire. But desire is only where we start as creators; it is not the finish line. Few people, though, understand how much their desires--at least to be fulfilled--require of them. Our desires demand that we live up to them and that we give up things that may be serving us in some partially fulfilling way, but not serving our hearts deepest desires.

A teacher of mine used to say, "If you want the perfect partner be the perfect partner." This is the crux of it: we must have the willingness to be that which we want, to live in integrity with it, and to live as though we already have it. And, we must be unwilling to have something less, while maintaining that paradoxical position of release--being poised to receive and yet not willful.

Many clients tell me that they desire--even long for--a partner, someone special and perfect for them to share life with. Then, in the course of coaching, they often have major realizations concerning the myriad ways they are not living in integrity with what they want, and in fact, many times are engaging in behaviors that undermine their desires. For example, one client realized that although he deeply wanted a partner, he had not really been willing to "give up" being single. He hadn't saved money; he hadn't made his home "partner friendly" (it was the same bachelor pad he'd lived in while in college 12 years ago); he dates many different women, even women he knows are not the right partner for him.

The contradictions in this are many and his profound realization was that he has to "give up" all the things that are not resonating with his being partnered. You can't have it both ways: you can't live the bachelor lifestyle and be with your perfect partner at the same time. There is always a part of us being served by our contradictions, by our willingness to settle for less. We settle for than less than what our hearts desire for some very good reasons. What's important is to finally wake up to that and be willing to give up that pay off.

What I find is that almost every client who comes to me desperately wanting a partner has many contradictions going on to prevent that partner from showing up. In some cases, they may be using feng shui, making vision boards, and surfing internet dating sites. They may even be reciting affirmations and meditating daily on having their partner. They may be "doing" all kinds of things to try to make their outer world correspond to what they want inwardly. The problem is that this is going about it backwards.

The first and only thing we can do is to bring the inner self in correspondence with our desires. Once we do, we naturally find that we must "give up" many ways of being that are not conducive to what we most deeply want. We have to give up old payoffs that no longer serve us and who we most want to be.

Many times we uncover and address deeper level contradictions regarding beliefs in coaching. But a good place to start is with our actions, which actually stem from our beliefs so they can be quite revealing. Here are just a few actions that some people engage in that contradict their desire for a committed partnership: having an ex- as a "safety net," having a sex buddy, dating anyone who is clearly a "no." These are all ways of being that reveal a willingness to settle for less that what the heart desires. We must be willing to give up the "friend with fringe benefits" (sex); we must "give up" the best buddy boyfriend who takes care of all our needs but doesn't spark our hearts deepest longing; we have to give up the ex-girl friend that might do if our perfect partner doesn't show up. We have to be willing to "give up" what meets our needs partially and require that our needs be met completely.

Settling for anything less than your deepest desire means that the universe has no reason to give you what your heart truly desires. The question to ask is: Are you really willing to have it, to live up to it by not being available to something less? Are you ready to live in integrity with your hearts deepest longings? If you are--and when you are--the universe will correspond accordingly.

Pamela is a Relationship & Law of Attraction Coach, Workshop Facilitator and Author. She works with people who desire to live more consciously, to live from their hearts and to become more fully who they are. She specializes in working with people who are ready have the relationship of their heart's desire. To schedule a coaching session, visit www. empoweringlove.com or email Pamela at pamela@empoweringlove.com ATTRACT THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, NOW! ... Pamela Ramey-Tatum may be contacted at http://www.empoweringlove.com or pamela@empoweringlove.com

A 5-Step Breathing Exercise to Better Health, More Energy & Longer Life!
by H. Wei Williams

Just a few minutes a day of this simple breathing exercise will bring you better health, more energy and longer life!

We all know that the human body can go more than a month without food and several days without water . . . but how long can we survive without air? Without oxygen, we'd be brain-dead within minutes! Yet most of us take our breathing for granted.

Did you know that the brain uses more than three quarters of the oxygen taken in? Without efficient respiration, the human body becomes oxygen-starved: we become sluggish, unable to concentrate, easily fatigued, and slow to react.

But we can change that by simply improving our respiration. Just five to ten minutes practice of this qigong/chi kung diaphragmatic breathing exercise will do wonders for your mind and body. Here's how:

1. Assume a comfortable position, sitting or lying down, or even standing up.
2. Make sure your back is straight, not ramrod rigid, but straight in a relaxed way: Your shoulders should not be tense but slightly slumped forward, with your chest slightly caved in. Likewise, your chin shouldn't be thrust forward; instead it should be drawn slightly inward, so that your head is aligned with the rest of your spine.
3. Inhale fully by pulling down the diaphragm muscle that sits just below the rib cage. This will allow your lungs to expand to its fullest capacity. When you inhale, breathe in slowly and evenly through the nose, visualizing filling your abdomen full of air, as you expand your abdomen outward. Sometimes it helps to lie down and put a book on your stomach for visual feedback. Or, if you are sitting or standing, place your hand on your abdomen and feel it expand when you breathe in.
4. Next, pause a moment before exhaling, again slowly and evenly through your nose. As you breathe out, let your abdomen flatten out. This should be natural, not forced.
5. Pause for another moment before repeating the cycle again.