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The Family First
Newsletter
Promoting family unity one issue at a time
Vol. 9 Issue 32 - Week of September 4, 2006
ISSN: 1527-6201
©2006 - Joyce Pierce --All Rights Reserved
In
this issue:
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Joyce Pierce
Fathers, Anger, and Heart Attacks
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
We were going to be late.
My kids were dawdling, even though I'd asked them to
get ready
on two occasions. "Come on!" I yelled. "How many
times do I have
to say this?" As they picked up their pace and came
down the
stairs, my kids both gave me a "look."
"Geez Dad, you don't have to yell," my son told me.
My dark side had a number of responses to this
comment. All of
them defended my yelling and placed the blame
squarely on my
kids. And they were all wrong. I badly wanted to
avoid taking
responsibility for this outburst. After all, I was
the one who
would take the "heat" for being late. I was the one
trying to
move things along. And they were the ones who
weren't listening,
right?
Angry outbursts from fathers are one of the main
reasons kids
don't feel like confiding in them. And besides being
frightening
and damaging relationships with your kids, angry
outbursts have
been shown to shorten your life. In fact, a study at
Johns
Hopkins University in 2002 showed just how damaging
anger could
be for men. This study, which followed a group of
young men for
an average of 36 years, showed that men who quickly
react to
stress with anger have three times the normal risk
of developing
premature heart disease. Also, these men were five
times more
likely than men who were calmer to have an early
heart attack,
even if they didn't have a family history of heart
disease!
Another recent study asked a group of teens and
young adult
women to anonymously identify why they wouldn't
confide in their
fathers. The reasons:
* "He would blow up."
* "His reaction.' I'm scared about his response."
* "He would start yelling at me."
* "I'm afraid of what he will do."
* "He will reject me."
* "He will freak out."
Fathers aren't the only ones guilty of angry
outbursts, but they
have more than their fair share. In the case of many
fathers,
impatience and anger surface when they're faced with
situations
that feel 'out of control.' This simply isn't a
comfortable
place for most men to be. When they're at work, they
feel the
familiarity of an atmosphere with a 'bottom line
mentality.' At
home, this mentality fails miserably, because it
doesn't address
the question that's really important for families:
'What does my
family need?'
Fathers with a bottom line mentality and a need for
control
often find themselves struggling with their patience
and anger.
And if they want to avoid angry outbursts that will
distance
them from their kids and shorten their lives, they
should
consider the following steps:
* Take responsibility for your anger. Nobody causes
you to be
angry except you. Accept this without compromise.
* Prepare well with your kids. Do your best to avoid
situations
that stress everyone. Start preparing your kids
early to get
them out the door, and make sure you give them
warnings, so you
don't take them by surprise.
* Find someone whom you're accountable to for your
anger. This
can be your spouse, or it can even be your child.
They'll help
you to stay aware of it, and they'll help you
remember the
steps.
* Become more aware of the physiological signs of
your
anger--mind racing, sweaty palms, etc. Speak up when
you feel
these signs--'I'm beginning to feel angry,' is a
great thing to
say to increase control of your anger. Make this
part of your
"plan" to reduce your anger.
When I yelled at my kids, I hadn't taken any of
these steps. But
I was still able to muster up some blame for them.
Part of me
was still convinced that they 'caused' my anger.
As we drove off in the car, things became clearer.
My apology
helped me feel better, and my kids were quick to
forgive. And
although I had felt justified in my anger, I decided
to give it
up. I guess I'd like my kids to feel like they can
trust me and
confide in me.
And I guess I'd like that even more than being
"right."
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men by phone
to balance their life and improve family
relationships—immediately!
He is an Instructor for the Academy for Coaching
Parents
www.acpi.biz and
author of “Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent
Fathers” Ecourse
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/25_secrets.htm
Become an affiliate:
http://www.markbrandenburg.com/affiliate.htm
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Making
Learning Fun
By Rachel Evans
Autism is a
disorder of the brain that is biological in
function. It causes anywhere from mild to
severe social impairment and an inability to
function normally in society. However, there
are ways to treat many of the cases of
autism. Autistic children can learn and
excel and if certain teaching methods are
used, their progress can be nothing short of
fantastic.
One of the most important things to realize in making learning fun for
autistic children is the fact that they
learn in different ways than children
without autism. Autistic children generally
have a disability in social skills.
Sometimes this difficulty in communication
involves language skills. However, there are
a number of ways to make learning these
important skills more than just a chore. By
injecting fun into learning, it has been
shown that autistic children learn at a
faster pace. Actually, fun and learning work
well for all types of children, but autistic
children are special and require more
tailored methods.
Children with autism seem to learn best when the instructional material is
presented in visual form. In this case it
might be worthwhile to try different
educational programs via a computer. Using a
computer is a fun way to learn. The majority
of educational programs are highly visual.
Many of the games available involve
storylines, plots, and realistic human
behaviors. Some of the skills autistic
children can learn from carefully selected
video games are language skills, reading and
math skills, and social skills. Visual
learning devices are highly effective and
can be accompanied by various rewards to
reinforce what is being learned. For
instance, food and extended leisure
activities can be used as rewards that will
encourage the child to want to learn. In
addition, the use of positive reinforcement
will help develop a bond between student and
teacher, and create a sense of trust that
will help strengthen the learning
environment.
Social stories are another way to make learning fun for children with
autism. Since one of the aspects of autism
is the inability to interact normally in a
social situation, social stories can be
utilized in a variety of different ways in
order to model appropriate behavior. Autism
education pioneer Carol Gray developed this
approach in 1991. By using engaging stories,
children with autism can learn appropriate
and inappropriate responses to situations.
The level of fun, of course, is up to the
way social stories are used. Usually, the
stories are tailored to the child. By
modeling situations familiar to an autistic
child, they can be better prepared to react
in a socially appropriate to those same
situations in the future. Social stories
usually have three distinct ways of
addressing a particular situation. The first
describes who, what, where and why in
relation to the situation. The second is a
perspective sentence that illuminates how
others react to the situation being
discussed. Finally, the third sentence tries
to model an appropriate response. Sometimes
the use of social stories can be accompanied
by music and pictures. In terms of making
the process a bit more fun rewards can be
used when a situation is properly addressed.
Children with autism require special education needs to address their social
difficulties. It is really important to make
these activities as much fun as possible so
the student will stay motivated. It is not
easy for an autistic child to change his or
her response to various situations, so it is
imperative that the activities be
non-threatening and highly interesting. It
has been demonstrated that over time the use
of visual aids and social stories are two of
the most effective ways to help autistic
children overcome social situations they
feel are threatening. To most of us, these
situations are normal, everyday occurrences,
but to children with autism they can
sometimes be terrifying moments that they do
not have the skills to deal with. These
teaching methods, while entertaining and
fun, can help children adapt and manage
their perceptions of social interactions.
About the Author: Rachel Evans has an interest in Autism topics. For further
information on Autism please visit
http://www.essential-guide-to-autism.com/autism.html
or
http://www.essential-guide-to-autism.com/blog/2006/08/11/making-learning-fun/
Source: www.isnare.com
Hand-Eye
Coordination And
Visual
Discrimination Key
To Literacy
By Deanna
Mascle
Sometimes the best
thing you can do for
your child's early
literacy development
is simply to let
them play. Turn off
the TV and anything
battery operated
then let your child
pick up their toys,
build blocks or
duplos, or
manipulate puzzles
or game pieces. Not
only are you giving
your child the gift
of childhood,
something we so
often fail to do in
today's hectic,
achievement-oriented
world, but you are
actually helping
them build skills
that are key to
learning to read and
write.
Hand-eye coordination is a necessary skill for written language and the best
way to help your
child develop this
skill is to let them
play with toys and
activities that
involve looking at,
using, and
discriminating a
number of elements.
Puzzles are
obviously a great
activity for this
but so are
manipulative toys
such as blocks,
duplos, and magnetix.
My son just spent over an hour this evening playing dominos with his father
-- OK they weren't
so much playing as
setting up complex
pattterns and then
knocking them down
-- but I didn't tell
them they were
engaged in a
preliteracy
activity. They were
just having fun
together.
Studies have shown that spending time on hand-eye coordination activities
improves children's
ability to learn to
read and lessens the
difficulty they face
during the process.
In fact engaging in
a variety of craft
activities, which
most kids love, can
be very beneficial
so add play dough,
stickers, and glue
sticks to your list
of educational
supplies.
Research shows that early practice of hand-eye coordination activities
reduces the risk for
reading
difficulties.
ACTIVITIES TO ENCOURAGE
Puzzles help develop hand-eye coordination because learning to control hands
and fingers
according to
information received
from sight is a
coordination skill
that aids children
in early attempts at
reading and writing.
Determining out
which piece goes
where, working to
fit pieces into
place by making
adjustments, and
seeing a sequence
develop in an
organized pattern
can be a great
learning experience
as well as very
satisfying for
children.
Puzzles, matching games, and the like are also important to help children
learn visual
discrimination.
Visual
discrimination is
the ability of the
brain to quickly
tell the difference
among visually
similar letters,
like "p," "b," and
"q" or between words
such as "was" and
"saw." Students with
difficulty making
these distinctions
often struggle with
learning to read,
write, and spell.
Playing games,
engaging in
activities, or with
toys that help
children
discriminate among
similar objects can
be fun for the child
and help them master
an important
preliteracy skill.
My son loves to help
his father sort
change before
rolling it to be
deposited at the
bank. Sure we could
use an electronic
sorter but our son
loves to engage in
the activity and it
is a valuable
learning experience
for him.
Visual discrimination can often be learned with your child's existing toys.
Matchbox cars,
dolls, and action
figures all offer
the opportunity for
your child to learn
visual
discrimination.
Encourage children to work their wrist and finger muscles as well as work on
their coordination
and small-motor
skills to help
prepare them for the
handwriting practice
in their future.
Activities to help
with these goals
include legos and
other building sets,
playdough, puzzles,
pegboards, beads and
other table toys.
These fun, natural
activities help
children improve
their cognitive and
fine motor skills
without frustration
or boredom.
My son engages in many activities every day that encourage hand-eye
coordination and
visual
discrimination. I
don't suggest the
activities to him. I
make the toys and
manipulatives
available to him and
he chooses them on
his own. The
activities vary he
may go an entire
week building and
rebuilding his
wooden train set
every day and then
the next week his
magnetix set
dominates his play
time. Some days he
plays with both
together and pulls
in his duplos and
wooden blocks for
added fun. It
doesn't matter to me
which activity he
chooses because I
know he is having
fun, challenging his
imagination, and
learning.
About the Author: Deanna Mascle is the publisher of
http://PreschoolersLearnMore.com.
Visit for more tips
and resources for
teaching your
preschooler
including
http://TeachYourChildTheAlphabet.com.
Source: www.isnare.com
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Storage Ideas For Kids Rooms
By Mike Boyd
Finding storage in
your home can be a challenge by itself. But
finding storage in your kids room can sometimes
seem impossible! Fortunantely there are many
storage choices available today to make the task
possible.
Furniture:
Youth single bunk beds offer more space and storage then traditional beds.
Units usually come with a bed on top and storage
space below that include a desk with lots of
drawers. Also included is a hutch with shelves
for storage space that help organize clutter and
provide space for a computer and video game.
These multi units reduce the need for additional
furniture and allow space for book shelves or
other accessories that can be used for storage.
Other furniture storage ideas to look for are toy boxes that can hold toys,
bench style chairs or window seats that include
a storage area underneath the seat.
Closets:
Probably the most useful and convenient storage space in a child's room. Use
of wired shelves can double for storing boxes,
toys, games and other items while allowing space
to hang clothes. Hooks on the ceiling or walls
help keep items off the floor.
Hanging closet organizers are perfect for storing seasonal clothes, or
holding sweaters, shoes, and accessories on
extra deep shelves. Bins, boxes or crates can
hold many loose items or toys and are space
savers when stacked on top of each other. If
your child is small, put the things they can get
themselves down low. By making it accessible,
they will be able to put things away more
easily.
Shelves:
Need a great solution for displaying all those knick-knacks or trophies?
Install shelves, side by side, around the
perimeter of the room, a few feet below the
ceiling. You will have yards of space for lots
of storage and give your kids room a finished
looked.
Recessed shelves are another great idea to create storage. By building
shelving units in between studs in the walls,
you can gain additional storage space for your
children items, while not sacrificing space.
Underbed Storage:
An often over looked area when looking for space. When combined with flat
boxes or drawers, items such as board games,
legos, etc, can be organized and stored while
accessible for your kids. Many length and styles
exist that can make use of this valuable storage
space.
Bins:
Also known as cubby units that comes in a variety of styles and shapes. Bins
can be stacked, mounted on walls, or stored in
closets. Mobile bins also exist that allow you
to move them out of the way or allow you child
to take them from room to room, while keeping
their favorite items organized.
Hooks:
Many styles exist for hooks such as trellis style hooks, shelves with hooks,
and over the door hooks. For more style, choose
wooden peg racks which can be painted to match
the decor of your kids room. Hooks are a good
solution to hang up book bags, coats, or
anything that you kids imagination will dream
up!
Cork Boards:
Need a place to hang up those book reports or paper notes, find cork and
make your own pattern or design. By breaking the
traditional style that bulletin boards are
known, you can design an easy but simple way to
organize the paper clutter. Spell you child's
name, or create a random pattern and watch that
pile of paper disappear.
Many solutions exist to help keep your child's room organized. Look for
ideas that blend in to the room and do not stand
out, while being functional. Keeping storage for
kids rooms simple and accessible, will provide
an easy way for them to clean up at the end of
the day.
About the Author: To discover more
storage ideas for kids rooms visit
http://www.homedecoratingbooks.2clixs.com
for our great selection of home decorating books
and ideas.
Source: www.isnare.com
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