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The Family First
Newsletter
Promoting family unity one issue at a time
Vol. 10 Issue 41 - Week of October 29, 2007
ISSN: 1527-6201
©2007 - Joyce Pierce --All Rights Reserved
In this issue:
Saving Christmas
The Scariest Costume
Parenting Teenagers - Getting Them to Talk
Salsa Recipe
Good morning!
Be sure to read this
article on Saving Christmas by my good friend,
Marnie Pehrson. She's offering a copy of
the ebook when you forward it to three of your
friends. Marnie is a wonderful writer and her
work flows in such a way that it's a quick read.
That's good because once you start reading, you
won't want to put it down. What a wonderful
way to get a kick start right into the Christmas
season. (Notice I didn't say HOLIDAY season?)
I got an email about
this last week and thought I'd pass it along. When you are making out
your Christmas card list this year, please include
the following:
A Recovering American soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue, NW
Washington, D.C. 20307-5001
If you approve of the idea, please pass it on to
your e-mail list.
I hope you'll share this
newsletter with someone who may need to read it
today!
Joyce Moseley Pierce
P.S. Be sure to
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Saving Christmas
By Marnie Pehrson
Remember the old Claymation stories where Christmas is going
to be canceled because of a huge snowstorm or because Santa
is fed up with people not believing in him? If not this
year, then one soon, we face a future without Christmas.
It's become politically incorrect to use the word. Stores
are taking it from their displays and mail order companies
from their catalogs.
The long-held tradition to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ
has morphed over the decades. It's gone from a celebration of the birth of the
Savior of the World, to the day Santa Claus comes with toys, to the day people
run up credit card balances to purchase exorbitant gifts for their family and
friends.
Now, Christmas is no more than a long shopping season with
perhaps an idle reference to "that great prophet" or "that great teacher" who
started it all. Not only has the significance of Jesus Christ as the Savior of
the world and the Son of God been diluted, but the holiday initiated in His name
conveys only a shadow of its former iconic grandeur.
While I (and many like me) believe Jesus Christ to be the Son of
God and Savior of the World, let's put that aside for a moment and pretend that
he's just a prophet or just a great teacher. He's there with Mohammad, Moses,
and the rest. Or perhaps some would put him on the level of people who initiated
change like Columbus or Martin Luther King.
We have holidays to commemorate these men. We have Columbus Day
and Martin Luther King Day. Would we be offended if someone came up to us and
said, "Happy Columbus Day" or "Happy Martin Luther King Day?" I wouldn't? Would
you?
Let's think about those two men, their holidays, and the
principles they symbolize. Columbus engenders a sense of discovery, bravery,
America, and enlightenment. For many, Martin Luther King's name symbolizes
equality and rights.
Now let's do the same for Jesus Christ and Christmas. Certainly
for a large percentage of the population, this is a religious holiday where we
reverence the birth of the Son of God. But, what else does Christmas convey? It
represents love, warmth, family, unity, kindness, generosity, goodness,
forgiveness, and peace to name a few.
Traditions and symbols are the glue that holds society together.
You take away Christmas and you take away the symbol. You take away the symbol
and you lose its impact on society. Until a decade or two ago, Christmas shined
like a beacon to believer and unbeliever alike as a quest for all that is good,
wholesome and loving.
Unfortunately, that symbol is morphing into shopping sprees,
debt and commercialism. Yet still, there at the heart are those old traditional
principles - not completely dead, nor yet completely forgotten.
We have two choices. We can throw away the symbol because it has
become corrupt or we can restore it to its former greatness. Some say we should
eliminate this symbol because a few might be offended. Others say to throw it
away because it has become corrupt. But what if we could restore it? Would any
find offense at the original icon? I've never met anyone who's offended by
peace, love, unity, and generosity. I'm sure there are some people out there who
live in diametric opposition to these principles. But do we want to cater to
them as a society? Do we want to foster the antithesis of these principles? I
think not.
The problem with Christmas comes down to this - we're losing the
spirit of it. We're forgetting those time-tested principles not only at
Christmas but the whole year through. As a society we've replaced them with a
me-first, instant gratification. "What am I going to get for Christmas?" "I've
got to have the latest toy or gadget this year." Or "Oh, no, Christmas is coming
and I'm broke."
Christmas is about so much more than gizmos and gifts and tinsel
and trees. It's about warm memories, smiling faces, happy hearts, generous
spirits, and peace on earth. If you believe as I do that the former glory of
Christmas should be restored, I hope you'll get your complimentary copy of
Miss Humbug, the novel about Elaina
Houston - a high powered executive who learns what the Spirit of Christmas is
all about.
It is my hope that giving away
Miss Humbug and encouraging
others to do so too will help rekindle this original spirit of Christmas. If we
can do that, no one will argue with a hearty "Merry Christmas" offered their
way. They'd hear the symbolic words and know that they are being wished
"goodness, happiness, mercy, blessings and peace." Those are just too
irresistible to turn down!
Marnie L. Pehrson, a wife and mother of 6, is a best selling author of
inspirational nonfiction and Southern romance. She's also been helping talented
professionals deliver their message to the online world since 1996 through her
heavy-hitter sites like IdeaMarketers.com.
Read excerpts from her books at
www.MarniePehrson.com. Join Marnie's FREE Christian coaching program at
RejoiceIn2007.com and make today the
beginning of a vibrant, abundantly blessed life!
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The Scariest Costume
by: Jackie Papandrew
I promised my kids, after much
begging on their part, that I’d
dress up for
Halloween this year. Maybe, I thought, I’d continue
my longtime childhood role of witch – one of those
wonderfully hideous hags with a pointy black hat and hooked
plastic nose complete with wart. Or maybe I’d reprise my
polyester princess phase, with a few adult modifications.
But when I went costume
shopping with my family, I found that the hags have turned
to hoochies, and the princesses are parading more than their
tiaras.
I searched through dozens of
costumes, all of them offering a shrink-wrapped style that
ranged from sexy to slutty to skanky.
The witches were wearing very
little. There were naughty nurses with uniforms so low-cut
they could induce heart failure, and a deviant housewife
ensemble that seemed ill-suited for mopping floors. Little
Red Riding Hood, sporting thigh-highs, was definitely not
headed to her grandmother’s house. And Goldilocks, with her
plunging neckline and platform heels, looked ready to sleep
in everyone’s bed. It was all more strip club than
storybook.
For the briefest of moments, I
considered buying one of these outfits, actually mulled over
the suggestion on the package of one costume that I channel
my inner vixen. But my vixen vanished when I saw the looks
of horror on the faces of my children. Mom in a minidress
was an idea more monstrously frightening than they could
fathom.
So, still in need of a
disguise, I pondered my predicament. My Halloween attire
would have to be homemade, something funny and familiar, or
perhaps soothing and sweet, or maybe even slightly scary.
But not salacious.
I could
dress up as one of the most important items in our
house – the
remote control – with custom buttons designed to
appeal to each member of my family. There’d be a Fulltime Football
button and a Constant
Cartoons knob, along with one labeled Law and Order 24/7.
And, for laughs, I could include one they’d find highly
useful on occasion –
Mute Mom.
Or, I could get creative with
the cardboard and felt and appeal to the stomach by
appearing as a plate of nachos or a tray of
chocolate chip cookies, the kind of eye candy that
would spark my gang’s gratitude.
I could remind them of all
that I do. I could cut a circle out of a laundry basket and
insert it over my body, with pieces of dirty clothing
dangling from clothespins. Or I could pose as a giant red
spoon with Betty Crocker scrawled across my forehead. I
could cover myself with foil marked as leftovers. Or maybe I
could stick some toy tires on my arms and legs and
masquerade as a minivan.
In the end, I decided on
something very simple. I realized that, in a way, I wear a
disguise every day. Every morning, I am transformed from a
bleary-eyed creature straight out of
Night of the Living Dead into something resembling an
attractive human being.
I paint my face, and I fix my
hair. I get dressed up in slimming garb designed to trick
people into thinking I’m a treat. So this year, I’m going to
skip that step and stroll the streets as my "real" self. And
my kids will probably think that’s the scariest costume of
all.
© Jackie Papandrew 2007
Please visit
JackiePapandrew.com to read more rib-tickling
stories. If you'd like to see this column in your local
newspaper or on a favorite website, contact the editor and
ask him or her to carry Airing My Dirty Laundry.
Thank you for reading!
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Parenting Teenagers - Getting Them to Talk
by Colleen Langenfeld
A sullen, non-communicative teenager. A frustrated parent.
Is that the way it is in your home living with your teenager?
Parenting teenagers is a demanding job, no doubt about it. Teens have the natural ability to challenge us on every level. Whereas once they simply accepted our authority as parents, no more.
Many parents fight against this normal developmental phase. As a result, their homes become tense battlegrounds as they stand ready to defend their positions at a moment's notice. Usually, in this environment, a teen starts out yelling and ends up silent.
Because he or she has found somewhere else where their voice can be heard. And appreciated.
While some teen frustrations are firmly rooted in parenting issues from the child's younger years, if you have an otherwise well-adjusted teenager who simply has stopped talking to you, there are practical things you can do that will help.
I am currently parenting my third teenager and these communication tips are what we use in our home everyday to keep talking alive and well.
-- Listening comes first.
Trite but true, your teenager will tune you out if you never *really* listen to what she has to say.
You want to get your teen's attention? Then learn to listen with your whole being. Use your body language and lean closer when he's talking. Make eye contact. Repeat back what you hear so you're sure you understand every ounce of what your teenager is telling you. Ask clarifying questions. Empathize. Give him your undivided attention (no cell phones, newspapers, no half-hearted 'uh-huh's').
In other words, listen to your teen the way you wish you were listened to.
If you do this one step regularly, your teen will seek you out, yearning to talk to you.
Imagine that.
-- Respect is king.
It's easy to be condescending when parenting teenagers. As parents, we know more than they do, right? We've been around the block numerous more times than they have. Heck, compared to them, we are wise!
However, here's the real deal. If teens don't feel respected by us, they don't accept our influence.
And all that wisdom goes down the drain.
That fact is not limited to teenagers, by the way. That's the way we're all wired as human beings. And it helps a lot to remember your teen is perilously close to being an adult and feeling the way adults do. Your teenager is not all grown up yet, but close enough to give you clues as to what they need.
Like respect. Earn their respect and they will trust you with their lives.
-- Teamwork means everything.
Teenagers often feel like they're carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. It's easy for us who are parenting teenagers to look at their day-to-day lives and say, "that's nothing! Wait until you have MY responsibilities!" But what we as parents forget, is that our teen is new at these types of responsibilities. So problems that we can see obvious solutions to, our teens find overwhelming. Challenges that would slide off our backs, they get lost in.
As a person, it's humiliating to admit you're overwhelmed and lost. So you don't. And neither does your teen.
Teamwork changes that. For example, a parent who's noticing their teen is struggling with academics has two choices. Yelling (ever noticed how often yelling works?). Or leading the way providing training on how to make a positive change.
A parent could say something like "I see you're finding your current schoolwork challenging. That's good because it means you have the chance to learn something new here. I have some methods that have worked for me when dealing with challenging work and I'd be glad to show them to you. When's a good time for you?"
For some teens, that conversation is all they need in order to acknowledge they need help. Others will take more coaxing. Still, the point is valid. Don't just tell them what to do...work with them, empathize with their frustration, show them how to set a goal, overcome obstacles and come out the other side. Then celebrate with them. They've earned it! And you've earned their respect.
-- Show them you understand...them.
While parenting teenagers, we often lecture as opposed to discuss. That's only natural for us as parents. Usually we can see their glaring error in judgment and we realize it's our duty to correct them.
Right idea. Wrong method.
Humility works big time with teenagers. Have you ever made a mistake that your teen seems to also be making? Probably more frequently then you would like to admit. Well, admit it. When you explain the boundaries you are placing on their behavior, let your past example (mistake) be the "here's what I've learned from this problem myself" part of the conversation.
Believe me, you'll have their attention when you admit to not having it all together. 'Cuz guess what. Everyday your teen ACTS like he has it all together to cover up the fact that he KNOWS he doesn't have it all together. And he's worried and scared.
Your admission you've been where he is and you found a way out will be welcome news. That you cared enough about him to share your vulnerabilities won't be lost on him, either.
Obviously, this parenting tip only applies to age and situation-appropriate confessions. But do you get the point here? Your teen is longing for someone who knows her and is willing to be on her side. Ideally that needs to be you.
Parenting teenagers effectively means building relationships with them, listening when it's convenient for them (not you), working with them to help them overcome challenges, earning their respect so it's YOU they think of when they need to talk.
This will take patience, an open heart, thick skin and daily time. Things that all prove to your teenager that you think they're worth it.
And they are.
Colleen Langenfeld has been parenting for over 26 years and helps other moms enjoy mothering more at
http://www.paintedgold.com . Visit her website and learn more about parenting teenagers today.
Colleen Langenfeld may be contacted at http://www.paintedgold.com or mailbox@paintedgold.com
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Special Recipe
-
Salsa #1
by: Tawra Kellam
4 cups canned tomatoes with juice
1 large onion, diced
1 green pepper, chopped
1 small, fresh jalapeno pepper, minced
2 to 3 Tbsp. lime juice (to taste)
1/4 tsp. garlic powder
2 Tbsp. cilantro, chopped
salt and pepper
Cook all the ingredients in a large saucepan on medium heat for
20 minutes. Pour into hot, sterile quart jars and seal. Process
in a pressure canner for 25 minutes. We use salsa frequently
enough that we don't have to can it. Store it in the
refrigerator.
In 5 years, Tawra Kellam and her husband paid off $20,000 personal
debt on an average income of $22,000 per year. Tawra is the author of the frugal
cookbook Dining On A Dime. Dining On A Dime has over 1200 recipes
and tips to help you eat better and spend less. For more free tips and recipes
visit her web site at
http://www.LivingOnADime.com
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