What comes to mind when you think about the holidays?

Do you groan, feeling burdened by all you have to do? Do you dread going shopping for gifts or cleaning up after a Christmas or Chanukah celebration?

Or, do you feel a sense of fun, of delight, of joy in the celebrating, giving and receiving?

Which part of you is in charge of the holidays – your judgmental self or your loving self?

Think for a moment about the little child in you – the child that loved the holidays. What delighted you about Christmas or Chanukah? Most kids are really excited about receiving gifts, but many children also feel equally excited about giving gifts. Did you enjoy decorating your house?

Or, were the holidays a sad time, a time of heartbreak due to not having enough money? Or a time of loneliness due to the loss of a loved one? Were they a time of stress in your family? Was there abuse around the holiday time?

Whatever the situation of the past, you have an opportunity now, as an adult, to give your own inner child the Christmas or Chanukah he or she wants and deserves. You have an opportunity to move into gratitude for what you have rather than anxiety for all you have to do. Instead of choosing to dread or resist the holiday spirit, why not open to it, embrace it, feel the grace of it?

Let the child in you do the shopping for gifts. Let the child in you receive the delight of picking out just the right gift for a friend or loved one. Or let the child in you find some way to give, some way to share your love. Even if you are alone or poor, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, find a way to give your caring to someone who has less than you.

The holiday spirit is about gratitude and giving. Take the opportunity to notice how fulfilling it is to joyously give rather than to resist or be angry about the work involved. Take this opportunity to discover how full your heart feels when you choose to feel grateful rather than grumpy.

Feelings come from thoughts. If you choose to think, “Oh no, the holidays are here already. There is just too much work to do,” you may feel anxious and overwhelmed. If you choose to think, “What a drag to have to go out and buy presents,” you may feel resentful. If you choose to think, “Another holiday season and I am still alone,” you may feel depressed. If you choose to think, “This is just a commercial holiday so business can make money,” you may feel angry.

However, if you choose to think, “How can I make this fun?” you may feel excited. If you choose to think, “How can I give to others this holiday?” you may feel open hearted. If you choose to think, “I get to buy things for the people I love,” you may feel grateful.

So who do you want to be this holiday season? You can choose to be a Grinch, close-hearted and angry about Christmas. You can choose to be tense, anxious, judgmental, depressed, fearful, withdrawn, or resistant.

Or you can choose to be happy, peaceful, excited, grateful, loving, open hearted, and joyous. It is all up to you. How you feel is the result of how you choose to think about the holidays.

Why not try an experiment this holiday?  Refuse to allow negative thoughts. Instead, make a list of positive thoughts and as soon as a negative thought comes up, imagine changing channels on a TV, switching to the positive channel. Then notice how you feel!

So, you're hosting Thanksgiving this year and you're worried because you have this vision in your head of a house decorated by Martha Stewart herself and a meal, the likes of which Julia Child would be envious of, laid out on a table that looks like the cover photo of Gourmet Magazine. Stop right there! None of that is what Thanksgiving is all about. Thanksgiving is a day to enjoy the company of your friends and family. It is a day meant for you to be together and be thankful. Here are ten ways you can be thankful to avoid stress this Thanksgiving.

1. Plan, plan, plan. I can't stress this enough. If you have a lot to do to get ready for Thanksgiving Day, plan ahead and get it all done in an orderly, stress-free fashion. Make a list of everything you need to do and how far in advance you can do it. Consult your list often to make sure nothing gets forgotten.

2. When planning your meal, choose dishes that can be made in advance. The more you can do ahead of time, the less you will have to do on Thanksgiving Day. You might even get the chance to step out of the kitchen and enjoy the company of your friends and family.

3. Shop early. Do not leave anything until the last minute. Start buying non-perishable items now. You don't want to be caught in the supermarket the day before Thanksgiving wrestling over the last can of cream of mushroom soup for your green bean casserole.

4. Involve your family. Talk to your family about your desire to have an enjoyable Thanksgiving. Explain to them that it is unfair for all of the burden to be on one person. Ask them to pitch in and help with the preparations and the clean-up as much as possible so that everyone can have a great day.

5. Involve your guests. Most people do not like to show up empty-handed, but you don't want to wind up with five boxes of assorted chocolates so don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Tell your Aunt Martha how much everyone raves about her sweet potato casserole and ask her if she wouldn't mind bringing it to share.

6. Forget Martha Stewart. You don't have to take a walk through the woods gathering twigs, berries, leaves and pinecones to hand make the perfect centerpiece for your Thanksgiving Day table. It is also unnecessary to decorate the entire house in an Autumn theme. As long as you have plates and forks your family will be able to eat - even if they do it standing in front of the television watching the football game. If you want a pretty centerpiece go to your local florist and buy one.

7. Take a tip from Sandra Lee of The Food Network and make it a semi-homemade Thanksgiving. Nobody has to know that the cranberry sauce came from a jar or the gravy wasn't homemade. Take some help from the wonderful assortment of already prepared foods that are available in grocery stores today. Give yourself some time to relax on Thanksgiving instead of slaving in the kitchen while everyone else is watching football or the parade.

8. Make dishes that you are comfortable preparing. A simple rule of thumb for entertaining is to know your recipes. It is never a good idea to try a recipe that you have never made before and ask your guests to be the guinea pigs. It just leaves too much room for failure and frustration. If you come across a new recipe that you really want to try this Thanksgiving, practice making it ahead of time and work out any kinks before the big day.

9. Follow the rule of: It's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. Always err on the side of caution when it comes to preparing to entertain a crowd. Buy more of everything than you think you will need and rest assured that you will have everything you need.

10. Go with the flow. No matter how much you plan, something is bound to go wrong. Don't let it ruin your day. Last year I didn't allow enough time for my turkey to thaw so when it came time to prepare it for the deep fryer (something new we were trying that year) it was still frozen. My mother-in-law and I spent an hour in the kitchen massaging the turkey under cold running water until it was thawed enough to cook. Then came the debacle of trying to inject the flavoring which is another story entirely. In the end, we wound up eating dinner almost three hours later than planned. Good thing I had plenty of appetizers so nobody starved and we all got a good laugh out of it. No harm done.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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